The Search for Jordan

Good Evening, my name is Inspector Ralph Philip.

But you may call me Inspector Ralph Philip.
A serious accident happened on the set of the movie Abducted today. A car crash occurred with actors Jack and Jordan. The first witness on the scene was director and all around handsome man-Jack Quincey.

Jack says he was going to work at his studio/office/spare bedroom when he opened the door to a horrifying car accident. The blue car from the movie was on the floor in pieces and Jack and Jordan were no where to be found. Caution-the following pictures may be quite graphic.

Upon my arrival and further inspection I was able to locate the young actor Jack.
He cowered in fear behind the computer desk leg.

However, after several minutes of searching we could not find the other star of the movie-Jordan. Several nooks and crannies were explored but there was no sign of the little man.
It was then I decided to get serious and grabbed my torch.

I searched the surrounding area of the accident for the victim yet again, but was unsuccessful yet again. It was then I decided to search the whole house. I left no stone unturned, no corner unsearched, so couch uncovered, no toilet unflushed...ahem...
It was then I decided to question the local residents. The first and most likely to kidnap was the juvenile delinquent, Vivian. I located her in a low life dark alley sleeping on the ground.

Upon waking her I asked her several questions, but came out with minimal success on the where abouts of Jordan.
I journeyed on to the second resident, a middle class man named Kioshi. I also found him sleeping but he woke up pretty quickly to help me with my case.

Again sadly I could not cook up an answer, and my beef stew was beginning to taste undone...er...well I couldn't find an answer anyway.
I had one last suspect...Dan. Dan was the man, they said. I soon found out that Dan was the fat man. The fat lazy man. Upon finding him I found that he was sleeping, as the others were. He curled upside down trying to seduce me.

I was immediately turned off by his er....round physique. I continued on with the regular questioning of the where abouts of Jordan.
I soon found out that Dan was not the man. He was of no help to me. Actually he just yawned and went back to sleep.
I was getting desperate, I had to find this boy. If I couldn't find him, the movie could never be finished! It was time to get dirty. I heard from a friend's friend's friend that the house had been vacuumed recently. So that's where I went.

I couldn't believe it! After rummaging through cat litter and dust bunnies from the vacuum bag I could not find him! It was hopeless, all was lost. I sat down in despair. My eyes fell upon the trash. Feeling as though I could not get any more dirty I felt through the trash can.

There he was. Crumpled up in a tissue next to some cat poop was Jordan.
Everyone was safe now and the film could continue on as planned. You'll be happy to know alcohol was not involved in the accident. I'm relating it to horse playing...well cat playing actually. Pure arson.
After some serious sanitization I felt successful. There is no playing around when Inspector Ralph Philip is on the job!

P.S. Don't Smoke

Sincerely-
Inspector Ralph Philip